im told i have always been afraid of dark

always running away from places i find myself alone in

forgiveness comes at my door

she isnt welcomed anymore

the walls ive built are guarded with dread

theyre multi layered

cemented with rage

running away from darkness has turned me into one

behind the walls is a scared child

stuck at places i avoid going

im told my inability to love would make me grow wilt soon

im asked to create space

the child in me is reluctant to open

to unravel the guise

vulnerability is closest to my skin

its well protected

my memory houses grief

shes tattered and naked

something is always dying

breaking apart

something is always on fire

burning

im told i need to practice forgiveness

to turn the dark thing ive become into something less dark

im told i must process my grief

the child in me hasnt yet learnt to speak

shes unfamiliar with words shes told to practice

her darkness is like an octopus

with several legs and arms

swallowing whatever comes at sight

im told i must learn to speak the language of love and affection

that i must unmask my kindness

but the child in me is its victim

and behind all the walls

cemented with rage

behind the dark thing ive become

its only a scared child resisting